your battery's feeling so low, tomorrow is gonna be another big day, better catch yourself forty volts.

The truth is, I'm a pessimist. I bullshit around and call myself a realist, and I like to think that it's at least sort of true, but I'm more of a pessimist. The difference is, I think, the realist sees the endings of everything, but the pessimist seeks them. Even as I fall in love, I ruminate like a fool over what the process of falling back out will be like and when it will begin. I hug my parents hard, with the knowledge that one day they'll be gone. I've strained myself to outfit this house to perfection even while I tell myself morbidly that it's a lick of flame away from being ash. There is an end to everything, and I'm always trying to anticipate it before it hits so I'm not blindsided by it.